Gossip Girl "Gone Maybe Gone" Reaction

And so it's come to this. "Gossip Girl" has reached a final, 10-episode season, avoiding what seemed like an inevitable cancelation last year to give the show... what, exactly?

What was once the edgy, crown jewel of The CW's lineup now limps along like the Bernie Lomax of primetime soaps, going through the motions, full of intriguing sound and sexy fury signifying nothing. No, worse than nothing. The SAME things. 

It's horribly unfair to compare "Gossip Girl" and "Fringe", but both have been given shortened final seasons and have chosen to use them in the most opposite ways possible. "Fringe" completely reinvented itself, taking themes and developments from its first four seasons to build a whole new sandbox with which to play in. "Gossip Girl" was never going to do anything that dramatic, but if Monday's season premiere -- "Gone Maybe Gone" -- is any indication, it's not going to do anything dramatic, period. 

That's not to say there was no drama in the episode. Between Serena's disappearance, Nate's dealings with the ubiquitous-but-never-seen Gossip Girl, the Dan-Blair-Chuck Bermuda Triangle of feelings and the most revolting romantic pairing the show has ever created, the drama was flowing for a full 60 minutes. Only it's not new drama; the flow is entirely recycled water, run through a dirty filter in desperate need of change. 

Georgina is still scheming, Dan is still lovelorn, Blair and Chuck are still playing games, Ivy is still manipulating, Nate is still unfailingly loyal to a fault. There was nothing in the episode we hadn't seen before (again, save for that icky pairing), to the point where viewers could recite lines before the characters said them.

And those lines weren't even good. "Rufus Humphrey's easy on the eyes and even easier to manipulate." Who speaks like that? "I can buy anything. It's one of the chief perks of being really rich." Holy crap, is this "Gossip Girl" or someone's "Dynasty" fan-fiction from the '80s?

It didn't help that at least half the cast sleepwalked through the entire episode like they would've rather been anywhere else. It wouldn't surprise me in the least to learn that Dan's unkempt hair and barely-trying clothing style was less a creative decision and more just letting Penn Badgley film his scenes as quickly as possible. And after failed attempts to break into the A List, Blake Lively looked like she'd rather be anywhere else. I don't blame her.

There are only nine episodes of "Gossip Girl" left, and there is all indication the show is going to wrap things up in typically satisfying-but-not-quite-perfect fashion. It's just sad that it's going to have to limp to the finish line, though that fate was sealed years ago. In a "Pretty Little Liars" world, "Gossip Girl" is past its expiration date. And any gossip blogger will tell you there's nothing worse than an it "girl" who doesn't realize she's not "it" anymore.

You know you love tolerate me. XOXO.