Monday, August 20, 2012

50 Best Spike Quotes for James Marsters' 50th Birthday

Everyone's favorite bleached-blonde vampire, James Marsters, turns 50 years old today. Yep, crazy, right? He looks remarkably good for his age (though even the most die-hard Spike fan would have to admit that his years of playing the supposedly ageless vampire are past him).

In honor of this occasion, I decided to pick my 50 favorite Spike quotes from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and "Angel". This turned out to be MUCH harder than I expected.

When I first went through my list, I thought I'd come close to 50. Instead, it was closer to 100. After a couple passing of paring the list, I started to rank them, and realized that was making the task more difficult. So instead I just focused on cutting the list to 50, then put it in chronological order of the series.

Also, there are no "song lyrics" from "Once More, With Feeling." Just assume everything Spike sang would be on this list. And if I left your favorite quote off -- which I probably did -- assume it's #51. Really. I swear.

1. A Slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure. (2.03 – School Hard)

2. The bird's dead, Dru. You left it in a cage, and you didn't feed it, and now it's all dead! Just like the last one. (2.07 – Lie to Me)

3. Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: It doesn't have to, what rhymes with lungs? (2.16 – Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered)

4. If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. (2.17 – Passion)

5. It's a big rock. I can't wait to tell my friends. They don't have a rock this big. (2.21 – Becoming, Pt. 1)

6. We like to talk big, vampires do. "I'm going to destroy the world." Its just tough-guy talk. Struttin' round with your friends over a pint of blood. The truth is, I like this world. You've got dog racing, Manchester United, and you've got people... billions of people walking around like Happy Meals with legs. It's all right here. But then, someone comes along with a vision. With a real... passion for destruction. Angel could pull it off. Goodbye Piccadilly, farewell Leicester-bloody-Square. You know what I'm saying? (2.22 – Becoming, Pt. 2)

7. Joyce: Have we met?
Spike: Uh... you hit me with an axe one time. Remember, "Get the Hell away from my daughter"? (2.22 – Becoming, Pt. 2)

8. You're not friends. You'll never be friends. You'll be in love til it kills you both. You'll fight, and you'll shag and you'll hate each other til it makes you quiver, but you'll never be friends. Love isn't brains, children, it's blood. Blood screaming inside you to work its will. I may be love's bitch, but at least I'm man enough to admit it. (3.08 – Lovers’ Walk) (If I WAS ranking quotes, the last line of this monologue would be my personal #1.)

9. Say no more. Evil is still afoot. And I'm almost out of that nancy-boy hair-gel I like so much. Quickly, to the Angel-mobile, away! (Angel 1.03 – In The Dark)

10. I always worried what would happen when that bitch got some funding. (4.07 – The Initiative)

11. You won. All right? You came in and you killed them and you took their land. That's what conquering nations do. It's what Caesar did, and he's not going around saying, "I came, I conquered, I felt really bad about it." The history of the world isn't people making friends. You had better weapons, and you massacred them. End of story. (4.08 – Pangs)

12. Buffy: Honey, we need to talk about the invitations. Now do you want to be William the bloody or just Spike? 'Cause either way it's going to look majorly weird.
Spike: Whereas the name "Buffy" gives it that touch of classic elegance. (4.09 – Something Blue)

13. This is the crack team that foils my every plan? I am deeply shamed. (4.09 – Something Blue)

14. Xander: I happen to be very biteable, pal. I'm moist and delicious.
Spike: All right, yeah, fine. You're a nummy treat. (4.10 – Hush)

15. Tell you what I'll do, then. I'll head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch as she kills you. Can any one of your damn little Scooby club at least try to remember that I HATE you all? Just because I can't do the damage myself doesn't stop me from aiming a loose cannon your way. And here I thought the evening would be dull. (4.15 – This Year’s Girl)

16. I know I'm not the first choice for heroics, and Buffy's tried to kill me more than once. And I don't fancy a single one of you at all. But... Actually, all that sounds pretty convincing. I wonder if Asian House is open... (4.18 – Where the Wild Things Are)

17. I get why all the demons all fall in line with you. You're like Tony Robbins. If he was a big, scary, Frankenstein-looking... You're exactly like Tony Robbins. (4.20 – The Yoko Factor)

18. Well, then everything's all right. And we all get to be not staked through the heart. Good work, team! (4.21 Primeval)

19. I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice, and drink deep. (5.04 – Out of My Mind)

20. Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn, she's there. That nasty little face, that bouncing, shampoo- commercial hair. That whole holier-than-thou attitude. (5.04 – Out of My Mind)

21. Out. For. A. Walk.... Bitch. (5.05 – No Place Like Home) (Marsters has identified this as his personal favorite quote from the series).

22. Spike: But you can kill a hundred, a thousand, a thousand thousand, and the armies of hell besides, and all we need is for one of us, just one, sooner or later to have the thing we're all hoping for.
Buffy: And that would be what?
Spike: One... good... day. (5.07 – Fool For Love)

23. Sooner or later... you're gonna want it. And the second--the second that happens, you know I'll be there. I'll slip in... have myself a real good day. Here endeth the lesson. (5.07 – Fool For Love)

24. Dawn: Geeze! Lurk much?
Spike: I wasn't lurking. I was standing about. It's a whole different vibe. (5.13 – Blood Ties)

25. What the hell does it take?! Why do you bitches torture me?! (5.14 – Crush)

26. Damn right I'm impure! I'm as impure as the driven yellow snow. (5.18 – Intervention)

27. Blood is life, lack-brain. Why do you think we eat it? It's what keeps you going. Makes you warm. Makes you hard. Makes you other than dead. 'Course it's her blood. (5.22 – The Gift)

28. I know you'll never love me. I know that I'm a monster. But you treat me like a man, and that's.... Get your stuff, I'll be here. (5.22 – The Gift)(My original list had something like seven quotes from "The Gift." It truly is my favorite episode.)

29. Oh, poor Watcher. Did your life pass before your eyes? Cup of tea, cup of tea, almost got shagged, cup of tea? (6.01 – Bargaining)

30. Buffy: How long was I gone?
Spike: 147 days yesterday. Uh, 148 today. Except today doesn't count, does it? (6.03 – Afterlife)

31. I do remember what I said. The promise. To protect her. If I'd have done that, even if I didn't make it, you wouldn't have had to jump. But I want you to know I did save you. Not when it counted, of course, but after that. Every night after that. I'd see it all again, and do something different. Faster, or more clever, you know? Dozens of times, lots of different ways. Every night, I save you. (6.03 – Afterlife)

32. You're not a schoolgirl. You're not a shopgirl. You're a creature of the darkness, like me. Try on my world. See how good it feels. (6.05 – Life Serial)

33. The day you suss out what you do want, there'll probably be a parade. Seventy-six bloody trombones. (6.07 – Once More With Feeling)

34. We kissed, you and me. All "Gone With the Wind," with the rising music and the rising... music, and what was that, Buffy? (6.08 – Tabula Rasa)

35. "Made with care for Randy." Randy Giles? Why not just call me "Horny Giles" or "Desperate-for-a-shag Giles"? I knew there was a reason I hated you. (6.08 – Tabula Rasa)

36. You're gonna crave me like I crave blood, and the next time you come calling, if you don't stop being such a bitch, maybe I will bite you. (6.10 – Wrecked)

37. You always hurt the one you love, pet. (6.13 – Dead Things)

38. I tried to find it, of course. The spark. The missing... the piece that fit. That would make me fit. Because you didn't want... God, I can't... not with you looking. I dreamed of killing you. I think they were dreams. So weak. And you make me weak. Thinking of you, holding myself, and spilling useless buckets of salt over your... ending. Angel, he should've warned me. He makes a good show of forgetting, but it's here, in me, all the time. The spark. I wanted to give you what you deserve, and I got it. They put the spark in me and now all it does is burn. It's what you wanted, right? It's what you wanted, right? And now everybody's in here, talking. Everything I did... everyone I... and him... and it... the other, the thing beneath... beneath you. It's here too. Everybody. They all just tell me to go... go... to hell. Buffy, shame on you. Why does a man do what he musn't? For her. To be hers. To be the kind of man who would nev... to be a kind of man. She shall look on him with forgiveness, and everybody will forgive and love. He will be loved. So everything's okay right? Can... can we rest now? Buffy... can we rest? (7.02 – Beneath You)

39. I don't give a piss about your mom. She was a slayer. I was a vampire. That's how the game is played. (7.17 – Lies My Parents Told Me)

40. Not as good as those onion blossom things. (7.19 – Empty Places)

41. Well I don't want to be this good looking and athletic. We all have crosses to bear. (7.20 – Touched)

42. You listen to me. I've been alive a bit longer than you, and dead a lot longer than that. I've seen things you couldn't imagine, and done things I prefer you didn't. I don't exactly have a reputation for being a thinker. I follow my blood, which doesn't exactly rush in the direction of my brain. So I make a lot of mistakes, a lot of wrong bloody calls. A hundred plus years, and there's only one thing I've ever been sure of: you. Hey, look at me. I'm not asking you for anything. When I say, "I love you," it's not because I want you or because I can't have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I've seen your kindness and your strength. I've seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You're a hell of a woman. You're the one, Buffy. (7.20 – Touched)

43. Buffy: I love you.
Spike: No you don't, but thanks for saying it. (7.22 – Chosen)

44. I wanna see how it ends. (7.22 – Chosen)

45. I know what's down there, where it's trying to take me. And it's not the place heroes go. Not by a bloody long shot. It's the other one. Full of fire and torment. And it's happening. And I'm terrified... Help me? (Angel 5.02 – Just Rewards)

46. Spike: You pissed in the big man's chair? That's fantastic!
Gunn: Spike, can you please turn off that warm fuzzy?
Spike: What, the Lorne thing? Wore off. I just think that's bloody fabulous. (Angel 5.05 – Life of the Party)

47. You had a soul forced on you, as a curse, make you suffer for all the horrible things you'd done. But me, I fought for my soul. Went through the demon trials. Almost did me in a dozen times over, but I kept fighting 'cause I knew it was the right thing to do. It's my destiny. (Angel 5.08 – Destiny)

48. You're a bloody puppet! (Angel 5.14 – Smile Time)

49. There's a hole in the world. Feels like we ought to have known. (Angel 5.15 – A Hole in the World)

50. Illyria: Wesley is dead. I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence!
Spike: Well, wishes just happen to be horses today. (Angel 5.22 – Not Fade Away)



  1. that was totally Awesome!!!
    Love the Spike Quotes

  2. You can't see the stars, pet. That's the ceiling. And it's day.

  3. You forgot his line "is everyone here very stoned" or maybe I just went past it

  4. It's complicated, niblet <3