Last night's "Desperate Housewives" Season 7 premiere picked up pretty much where last season left off, give or take a week or so. Rather than recap the episode as a whole, let's go Desperate Housewife by housewife to get you up to speed.
Bree-cap (yeah, I went there): Orson is leaving Bree, filing for divorce because of her revelation that Andrew (unseen in this episode) ran over Mrs. Solis all those years ago. Bree isn't sure how to handle this, so Orson tells her to "find a project". She decides to make that project tearing down her wallpaper by hand, then making a move on the hot new painter.
Re-Gaby (hmmm, that kinda works): Bree tells Gaby about Andrew killing Mrs. Solis, and she's pissed. Not because of what happened, but because if a newly clean-shaven Carlos finds out, he's going to kill Andrew, and then go to jail, and then Gaby will be poor again. Meanwhile, Carlos gets the news from the hospital that Juanita isn't really their daughter. Independently, Gaby and Carlos decide to keep their secrets from each other.
Susan (yeah, no way I can make that work): Susan and Mike have moved into a crappy apartment because of their money problems. Mike offers to take a job on an oil rig in Alaska, but Susan thinks that's too dangerous. So, to resolve their money problems, Susan takes a job -- that she first turned down -- doing housework in lingerie.
Lynette: New again mom Lynette is home with the baby, in a mess of a home, when she finds out her college friend from New York -- who is married to a baseball player -- is coming to visit. They trade friendly barbs when the new friend takes it too far, denigrating Lynette's post-college life choices. Only it turns out that the insults are a coping mechanism because the friend's husband is leaving her.
OK, that seems like a lot to digest, and I haven't even gotten to the best part of the episode, the return of Paul Young. But "Desperate Housewives" has always been at its best when juggling storylines, and though it may not seem like it on the surface, some of these stories should actually overlap thematically, if not literally, throughout the season. And Paul obviously ties in directly with Susan (since he's renting her house, though by the end of the episode he's ready to buy his old house), and I'm guessing that Felicia's obscure reference to having "friends" on Wisteria Lane isn't just an idle threat.
Still, for all that going on, my favorite scene in last night's episode was the dueling secret scene between Carlos and Gaby. Normally when Desperate Housewives characters keep secrets from each other, it's all very self-serving. But Gaby seeing Carlos tell Juanita about his mother, then Carlos seeing Gaby tell Juanita how much she means to her, it was just so damn sweet. I could have easily been soap opera cheesy (and much of "Desperate Housewives" really is just a once-a-week soap opera that airs at night instead of the day) but all of that scene worked, which is going to make it all the more devastating when the secrets come out later this season.
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