Why I Choose Distracted Driving

I drive distracted in many ways. Applying lipstick has never been one of them.
From what I can tell from my Twitter feed, there's some kind of big push today to join Oprah's No Phone Zone Pledge and make your car a "no phone zone" where you don't call, text, tweet or do anything else that would contribute to distracted driving.

Sorry, but I can't get on board with this.

Look, the whole "no phone zone" thing sure seems like a nice idea, but a phone is far from the only distraction while driving. Take a look at that picture above. If that girl wasn't talking on the phone, she'd still end up taking her eyes off the road to check her lipstick. Before I started tweeting while driving, I would still use my phone to change iTunes playlists, check sports scores, or even get directions.

And that brings me to the biggest modern driving distraction: the GPS device. People mount these fucking things right on their dashboard, have them constantly re-draw a map and verbally spout directions every few seconds or minutes. Despite manufacturer instructions, most people put their GPS directly in their line of sight, providing a constant distraction from the actual driving.

Even if the U.S. Government passed a law banning all portable electronic devices from the interior of a car, there'd still be distractions. Having a conversation with a passenger? That's a distraction. Listening to your built-in radio? Distraction. See a fucking digital rotating billboard with a video advertisement for some shit you'd never buy. FUCKING DISTRACTION.

I drive 60 miles round-trip on my daily commute to work. I've made the same exact commute for nearly five years now and can practically do it in my sleep. The only time I struggle with the commute is when I'm NOT distracted. Music off, phone off, windows up, eyes on the road? I can't do that. I start looking at every damn car on the road thinking it's going to crash into me. Every sound my car makes becomes some kind of crisis. I need the distractions. My commute works much better that way, thank you very much.

So make your car a phone zone. Or a lipstick zone. Or a breakfast zone, a singing zone, a shaving zone or a whatever-the-fuck-you-want-zone (just, please, do it with clothes on, because no one's car should be a naked zone). However YOU drive best is the way you should drive.


  1. bring on the robot cars

  2. Seriously, if we had some "Minority Report" shit up in here, this wouldn't be a problem.


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