Cigarette Least of Problems in Happy Meal

Look, I'm a fat dude, so I shouldn't really be lecturing anyone on their choice of foods, but when I read this story about a mother finding an unsmoked cigarette in her one-year-old's McDonald's Happy Meal, I had to chime in.

Yeah, the cigarette is bad, no doubt, and could have definitely caused some health problems if the baby had stuck it in its mouth (and, from what I know of babies, they'll put pretty much anything in their mouths), but you know what else can cause health problems for a one-year-old? A fucking Happy Meal.

I'd say "this is why our whole country is fat" but this apparently happened in England. Look, British people, don't follow our slippery slope (it's slippery because it's covered in bacon grease). You're better than this. You've got your cool upper crust accents and you call soccer "football" even though our football is way better.

You see that picture up there. That's a Happy Meal after it's been left out for a year. It barely looks any different from a "fresh" Happy Meal. So under no circumstances should you be giving that to your kid, especially if you want to avoid health problems for him. Leave the horrible horrible foods to me, and let the next generation grow up slightly more healthy. Please.