Friday Five - Commercials I Wish Would Never Air Again

As you can probably tell from reading my blog, I watch a LOT of TV. And, despite our modern technological advances, I end up watching a lot of commercials. Some of them actually register positively with me, some of them just wash over me and some of them I'm just indifferent about.

Then, there are those rare ads -- getting much less rare -- that make me want to throw my remote through my TV, then pick up the TV and throw it through my window. These are the five (and trust me, it was VERY difficult to narrow this list to five) that currently consistently piss me off.

5. Verizon - Big Red

I already hate the "there's a map for that" ads, but now Verizon has taken it to a whole new level by using the old "Big Red" song from those cheesy '80s gum commercials. I hate you Verizon and hope your phones continue to suck.

4. Southwest - Battle Cry

The irony of this shit-tastic commercial. Most of these fatasses (and I use that term nicely, since I am one), wouldn't be able to fly on Southwest without buying an extra ticket.

3. Subway - $5 Footlong

Five... five dollar... five dol- SHUT THE FUCK UP! Everyone on the FUCKING planet knows how much your subs cost now. I will NOT eat at Subway again until they stop this campaign.

2. Progressive - Any of the "Flo" Ads

At some point, I'm gonna snap and hit Flo in the face. And for about 3 seconds I'll be really happy, until I realize I've destroyed my TV and my hand is bleeding. It'll still be worth it.

1. Any AT&T Ad with Luke Wilson

Did you know if you search "Luke Wilson Please Stop" on Google, my site is the first thing that comes up. There's a reason for that. I've been a Luke Wilson hater since these ads first started running. It was bad enough when they were just anti-Verizon, but now it seems like he's branched out to every possible service offered by AT&T. Look, AT&T, here's the deal. I enjoy my U-Verse service. I enjoy my iPhone. I'd like to not be reminded of fat Luke Wilson acting like a douchebag every time I go to use them.

Just Missed the Cut: The UPS ads with Captain Draw-a-Lot, Taco Bell's "shrimp blogger" (seafood at Taco Bell? Um, worst idea ever)