Superman that dunk!


Technically, it wasn’t even a dunk (since his hand didn’t touch the rim), but Dwight Howard flying through the air with the Superman cape on was slick.

I picked Dwight Howard to win the dunk contest back when he was confirmed in the lineup, especially when they said they’d be doing fan voting for the Finals (the fans remembered how he got robbed last year).

But this doesn’t answer the question at hand: Dwight Howard or Superman, who wins?

Let’s break this down, scientific-like...

HEIGHT
Dwight Howard: 6-foot-11
Superman: 6-foot-3
Advantage: Dwight Howard

WEIGHT
Dwight Howard: 240 lbs.
Superman: 225 lbs.
Advantage: Dwight Howard. According to the BMI, Superman is overweight, approaching obesity.

JOB
Dwight Howard: Magic center
Superman: mild-mannered reporter/superhero
Advantage: Dwight Howard. He makes more money and works less often. Who doesn’t want that job?

FASTER THAN
Dwight Howard: Most NBA centers
Superman: a speeding bullet
Advantage: Dwight Howard. Why does Superman find the need to outrun bullets so often? Is he hanging out with Pacman Jones?

MORE POWERFUL THAN
Dwight Howard: rims and backboards
Superman: a locomotive
Advantage: Dwight Howard. Who the fuck travels on “locomotives” anymore?

CAN LEAP
Dwight Howard: from just inside the free throw line
Superman: tall buildings in a single bound
Advantage: Dwight Howard. Leaping tall buildings? That sounds like some terrorist shit to me.

KNOWN WEAKNESSES
Dwight Howard: free throws
Superman: kryptonite
Advantage: Dwight Howard. There’s only 1 type of free throw. There’s like 8 billion different types of kryptonite, all of which do weird shit to Superman, but have no affect on Dwight Howard.

HAS DIED?
Dwight Howard: no
Superman: yes
Advantage: Dwight Howard. Duh.

BIRTHPLACE
Dwight Howard: Atlanta
Superman: Krypton
Advantage: Dwight Howard. Under the current presidential administration, Superman could be deported any day now.

HOMETOWN
Dwight Howard: Orlando
Superman: Metropolis
Advantage: Dwight Howard. Orlando is a popular tourist destination. Metropolis is a town in Illinois that’s home to less than 15,000 people. Lame.

NOTABLE TEAMMATES
Dwight Howard: Hedo Turkoglu, Rashard Lewis
Superman: Batman, Wonder Woman
Advantage: Dwight Howard. Wonder Woman? What is this, the WNBA? And I’m not sure Batman’s contract fits under the salary cap.

FINAL TALLY
Dwight Howard: 11
Superman: 0

Winner: Dwight Howard. That’s right. Maybe Superman should start wearing a Dwight Howard jersey when he’s flying around. It’d be less lame than wearing his underwear outside his tights.

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