So we all love soccer now, right?

That’s my understanding of how this whole “Beckham” thing is supposed to work.

Step 1: Beckham comes to America

Step 2: Beckham scores goal in America

Step 3: Americans care about soccer that isn’t played by their 8-year-old children

Yet somehow, I just don’t care. Yes, last night I did do more soccer research than I’d done since last year’s World Cup, and I can now tell you that the last time prior to tonight that Beckham had a goal and an assist in the same game was Oct. 19, 2005. But I still don’t care.

Look, I played soccer when I was a kid. I played for 6 years, and I was pretty good for the level I was playing at. For a couple seasons, I even played indoor soccer in the winter to supplement my fall season of outdoor play. But here’s the thing: when I wasn’t in the game, I was bored as hell. I couldn’t get excited about WATCHING. I know there are people who feel the same way about baseball (including some Major League players, who’ve admitted they don’t like watching the game) but I’m not among them.

I am among the millions of people who just can’t get into watching soccer. Even watching the game last night, I kept drifting over to baseball, only peeking back at the soccer when the announcers got excited (and by the way, the feed we were bringing in was from a Spanish-language broadcast, so the announcers got excited a lot, even when to my untrained eye it didn’t seem like much was happening).

Here’s what it boils down to: I don’t see myself watching another MLS game at any point in the near future. Yes, I understand that Beckham is a great player, and soccer is the “beautiful game” but really, I’m just counting down the days until Oct. 31 (Mavericks at Cavaliers, 8 ET, ESPN).

Oh, and since I’ve subjected you to an entire post about soccer, I leave you with this. Enjoy Beckham’s wife: