Fave 5 - Recent Songs that Prove Society is Doomed

Throughout time, people have always complained about some kind of music ruining society. It’s a time-honored tradition as old as song itself. PooZ and I have discussed this topic at length lately, knowing that there are just so many songs that are so stupid it must only mean one thing: humanity is doomed. Now understand, there’s only room for 5 songs in the Fave 5, so some worthy candidates were left out (including everything ever done by Lil’ Jon).

5. Hollaback Girl by Gwen Stefani
Remember when Gwen Stefani was in No Doubt and actually sang and her songs had meaning to them (I still love “Don’t Speak”.) Yeah, well, that’s not the case anymore. This isn’t even a song. It’s a chant. A stupid one at that. This quote from Family Guy just about sums it up: “I was just watching this special on VH1 about Gwen Stefani. I don’t know what a hollaback girl is, all I know is I want her dead.”

4. I’m N Luv (Wit a Stripper) by T-Pain f/ Mike Jones
Wow, this song is so crazy it took two people to create it. Now, I fully understand that strippers need love too, but does it really need to be expressed in song? With lyrics like “She poppin she rollin she rollin / She climbin that pole and / I'm N Luv with a stripper”? Yes, pole climbin’ is definitely something to Luv.

3. My Humps by The Black Eyed Peas
How much dumber is this one? Well, it took a whole group to make. And the sad part is the BEP used to make good music. They were known for catchy lyrics and actual backing music (instead of synthesized beats). But now they have an entire song about Fergie’s butt. This was nearly the dumbest song of 2005. So why is it only #3; well, that’s where it reached on the Billboard Hot 100, so that’s where it checks in here (yes, that’s right, America is so stupid, it made this song #3 in the country).

2. Lip Gloss by Lil’ Mama
First off, this is a 17-year-old girl who calls herself Lil’ Mama. Secondly, it’s a song about Lip Gloss, which may be fine if you’re a 12-year-old girl, or Alex Rodriguez, but for the rest of America, it’s just pathetic and stupid. Yet the video has more than 6 million views on YouTube and was a huge success on the radio (which completely justifies my choice to listen to nothing but my iPod in my car).

1. Laffy Taffy by D4L
Here’s the thing. Most of the songs on this list at least have a decent beat, or above average delivery or a video that features attractive women. Something that is somewhat redeeming, that could be used to make an argument as to why it doesn’t signal the forthcoming apocalypse. This has nothing. The beat sounds like something off the sampler from my 15-year-old Casio keyboard. The chorus just repeats “laffy taffy, shake dat laffy taffy”. And the women in the video look like rejects from “World’s Scariest Strip Joints.” Yet somehow, this was a popular song. Yes, we are all doomed.

(BTW, the iTunes links are provided for reference only. Please DO NOT purchase any of these songs. Your purchase will only contribute to the forthcoming apocalypse. Instead, purchase something like this, or this, or even this. But please, spare the children from “Laffy Taffy”.)

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