Sunday, October 31, 2004

Sorry...

Look, obviously I haven't been updating this regularly, and I'm probably not going to keep it updated as regularly as I'd like, but I do have some stuff to say now, so I'll say it.

First, the positive, which shouldn't take too long. I bought a new car. Yeah, the PT is gone. It will be missed. I traded it in for a new 2004 Neon SXT, which has served me well for a week and a half now and a few days ago I got a nice sound system dropped in there. I'm looking to get some nice rims for it too, but I think I should probably put my money toward some more important things.

We had our Halloween party last night and it was OK. I know most of the people who came had a good time, but honestly, I didn't. I tried to put on a happy face for awhile, but after a couple hours or so, I just gave up, got out of costume and headed to my room. I just wasn't feeling the party vibe, and since no one seemed particularly interested in talking to me, I just kind of excused myself.

Honestly, it's been more than three years since I've been on a date, and I'm wondering if it's ever going to happen again. I have no reason to believe it will, despite what everyone tells me. When I meet girls who I'm even remotely interested, it seems like they're only interested in me as a friend, or as a way to meet someone else. And my friends always ask me about what I do when I meet a girl who's interested in me. Well, when I find one, I'll let you know. Because I can't remember the last time that happened. The other pain in the ass thing about this is all my friends say things like "well, you have to just go for it." What the fuck do you think I've been doing? It's not like I'm sitting at this computer hoping girls will magically track me down. It's just that whenever I do "go for it" I end up with at best a tepid response, if any response at all.

I'm trying not to get too down about this, since I'm not currently missing anything special. It's not like I'm coming out of a relationship or anything. Still, constantly seeing people in happy relationships, or at least going out on happy dates, can be extremely frustrating. Plus, people at work feel the need to ask me for relationship advice. Honestly, how the fuck would I know? If I had any idea what to do in a relationship, you think I would have been dateless for the past four years? And don't get me started on setups. I don't know how many people have told me in the past few weeks "oh, I know the perfect girl for you" only to never introduce me. I guess I'm just not "boyfriend material." Whatever.

I know some people are going to read this and think I'm angling for a pity date. Well, I'm not. I'm way past that stage. I just wanted to get all this out, and then hopefully we can move past this topic. When I say "girls don't like me that way" let's just leave it at that, until we get any kind of proof to the contrary. Don't bother telling me you have a friend, unless you're going to bother to introduce me to that friend and you have a sense that your friend is interested in being more then friends. And until that time should come, I'm done trying to date. My life will be much less miserable without butting my head against this metaphoric wall.

I'm sorry I had to bore you with all this. Honestly, you probably don't care (or don't exist. I don't see any reason why anyone would still be reading this website after my lack of updates this month). No matter. By tomorrow afternoon there'll be a November page up here and this whole thing will be relegated to the archives, for no one to ever view again.

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